Failed passport photo attempt. Gosh I look sick, haha.
Content warning: discussion of depression and suicidal thoughts. Sorry if this is full-on. Clearly there is still stigma around mental health because I really want to share frankly about this, but I don't know if this is the right way. If it comes across as attention seeking or whatever. I don't mean it to, I'm fine right now and am not seeking any sympathy.
Had chats with an extended family member about mental health today, after they mentioned they helped out a workmate who was having a panicky day. We talked about how I was diagnosed with anxiety and panic attacks directly induced by my jobs as customer support for software companies. I remembered how that anxiety affected my performance at work negatively and how resulting pressure set off my depression and even suicidal thoughts. A hell of a spiral.
A paper bag for breathing while hyperventilating became part of my normal work supplies, along with my laptop and headset. Migraines were back on a weekly cycle, sometimes even more. I was crying, sobbing, at work. Despite my last post about being melancholy, I'm not a crier, this wasn't healthy or remotely normal for me.
I never had acute anxiety before my first tech support job. My therapist suggested I might also have PTSD on top of anxiety. btw I cannot recommend seeking out a good therapist enough. Life savers.
Don't "man up" and push on when something about your situation is killing you. Stay aware of what is affecting you. Value yourself. Don't believe people who tell you escape is failure. Don't stick with something you won't survive.